Comin’ Round the Dark Side of the Moon

On a unusually warm February afternoon in 2016,  my husband John flew from his debilitated body and into the spirit realm. After a very long battle with cancer and a marathon with our local hospice, nine months to be exact, he finally let go and went with the angels. I had a very different reaction than most. I believe it’s because of all I’ve learned from working with animals and humans who have transitioned.  But my immediate reaction as I understood what had happened was; “Oh my gosh! He’s experiencing the coolest things right now!” My outburst  frightened the caregiver brought in near the end to help me,  but I was truly happy for him. He was free.

An “Unusual” Guy

My “Bear” as I called him affectionately, was certainly one-of-a-kind. He was loved in our small beach community and always up to something. He was probbear_car_1ably one of our town’s best known pranksters. He drove an art car (many in our twenty five years together) and decorated them always  in a Dada theme. His April Fool’s day jokes are legendary in Cannon Beach, one elaborate prank was profiled on NPR. He loved music. He loved listening to it, playing it, and creating his own instruments. I guess he became bored with the twenty eight he could play proficiently. He did work as a combination musician/ mime artist. He was a strong voice on our City Council. And owned and operated Once Upon A Breeze kite shop, the oldest on the Oregon coast for over 40 years. He was brilliant, hysterically funny and could make me laugh out loud up until he couldn’t. But most of all, he was the love of my life.

During our twenty five years together he always had a project going so found nothing unusual or odd when I announced I was learning to communicate telepathically with animals. He was a little hesitant at first but said right away he’d keep an open mind. It wasn’t long before he became truly interested in what I was learning and was very supportive. I had my share of melt downs in those early days of learning AC, but he always had an encouraging word that helped me to get back on the horse. (scuse the pun). We each had dreams and encouraged the other to keep trying, keep at it, we had mutual respect for each other’s ambitions. We were a great team.

A Fun Life Together

We had, for a very long run what people dream of as the perfect beach life. Our kite shop did well through the 90’s and early ’00’s. We had what we needed.  I tried to start my professional animal communication business. And John “offended” some of the  neighbors with our yard decor. There were art cars in various stages of design and it didn’t quite fit with what many people decided was Cannon Beach. But John could have cared less. He always weddinghad some creative idea in his head of something no one had thought of and quietly carried it out. I swear. Half the time I had no idea what he was up to. We had what we needed and lots of lost kids wandered in and out of our lives looking for work. John always hired the best and each left our employment with a little better understanding of how to perform well at a job and more importantly: not to take life too seriously. I didn’t totally see this until after he was gone and the kids began returning to visit me. All of those visits started out a little teary and ended in laughter. I had no idea he collected Beanie Babies so he could launch them over our kite shop via potato gun and land them in the park so the kids would have toys raining from the sky. He carried a huge box of small toys in his car and local kids would come running when they saw him headed up the street as if he were the Ice Cream truck, in order to get a toy. John loved every minute and it would take us a very long time to make a five minute drive. No kid was left empty handed.

The Times Were A Changin’

In the late 2000’s we were hit hard by the recession. Suddenly kites were no longer a wanted commodity. Instead of a kite for each child in the family, it was one kite per family. Admittedly, we didn’t see this coming as we were more focused on John’s health. After his prostate was removed in ’01, he hadn’t made it to the golden five year cancer free mark, but instead it was back and it meant business.  It was the beginning of a very stressful period for me. I did my best to get him into the best doctors. I made phone calls to doctors I knew and trusted, and I stayed off the Internet.  John was such a great sport. He remained upbeat through all the long procedures. He made the nurses laugh. He was who he was, and he wasn’t giving in without a fight.  As his health declined, my to-do list increased. He no longer could do the simple everyday things that a couple splits in order to keep a home and business running, most of that fell to me. And with my plate becoming more full by the day, I had to temporarily drop my dream of becoming a professional animal communicator.

“After his prostate was removed in ’01, he hadn’t made it to the golden five year cancer free mark, but instead it was back and it meant business.”

At some point during those years, John got me a bookkeeper to help relieve some of the  stress from me. It didn’t work out well. She talked John into refinancing our home and we qualified for a rather large home equity loan. Nice thought. Wrong choices. I eventually let her go and found a mess of sorts awaiting my return. I’ve never been one to place blame on others, so I did my best to pick up where she left off but it was a little late. We were in serious danger of losing our home. Our business was now limping along instead of predictably sailing along. And John’s health continued to decline.

The Wheels Come Off

In the spring of 2015 two things became very clear. We were going to lose our home of twenty five years, and I was going to lose my Bear. So as his doctor suggested we put John on home hospice care. I redesigned our living room, we got all the new equipment we needed, and so began the long good-bye. I’m not going to go into great detail about this portion since most of it is personal between John and me. But at the same time I was “enduring” loss after loss, I was also becoming more proficient in talking with humans who have transitioned to spirit. This was somewhat comforting to me as I knew my journey with John would not change in some ways. And I had a plan. I was going to be fine.

The Best Made Plans

By June of ’16 I had been moved out of our home and into a much smaller one, with Jack our kitty. Not only was reality setting in, I watched poor little Jack go through a long grieving process. I tried to explain and help him but really? We were both in a daze and stayed that way. This wasn’t part of the plan.

You think you know who will be there for you and who probably won’t as you move through these major life events. I was surprised and kind of shocked that my two “best friends” disappeared from my life. To me, it was just more loss on top of loss. But John was there. Anytime I would melt into tears I could clearly hear him telling me not to cry in that sweet voice I remember so well.  One night in an attempt to cheer me, he told me now he could travel the speed of light and was quite excited about it. Then added “but I don’t have to, I am light.”  I can hear him, but you can’t cuddle with energy. I miss him everyday.

But just because the people I thought would be here, weren’t, those roles were filled by other friends who have literally carried me through the past year. They’re local friends and now have permanent places in my heart. Because without them, I don’t know how I would have made it through this Year of the Fog.  And that’s the best description I can muster. My memory was shot, I was totally exhausted, and had lost over 30 pounds.

One night in an attempt to cheer me, he told me now he could travel the speed of light and was quite excited about it. Then added “but I don’t have to, I am light.”

I can’t say enough, or find the words to those (who know who they are) how much they helped John and me, and then Jack and me. The beauty of a small town is that yes, everybody knows everybody else, but at times like these it can make you feel warm and loved. Not as lost as you might feel in a large city. I have the beach close by and try to get down there, after all, I’m healing in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. But even that has left me feeling a void.

I started out this series of posts to work through my losses, and if you’ve been keeping count, it’s quite a bit. (See stories published since 2016) My husband, our house, my dogs, my cat, and yes even my childhood  best friend. But one thing I’ve held onto through all of this: I know I’m going to be all right. I know I’ll get back to “me” and living  my passion. And in just the past month or so this has turned out to be true.

Comin’ Round The Moon

My family has been amazing. I have a lot of catching up to do with their lives as I’ve been taking all the attention. But my brother, the guy who grew up two years away from me turns out has probably known me best all along.  I’ve spent a lot of time with him this past year. He had the perfect analogy for these past few years and shared it with me recently in the following story:

“remember when we were kids and the lunar module would go behind the moon? And for about eight minutes we’d be out of touch with the astronauts? And everyone on earth would hold their breath until they’d once again, come around the dark side of the moon and we could hear their voices and knew they were fine.  Do you remember that?  Well that’s you Leese! That’s you!  You’re comin’ around the dark side of the moon!”

That’s good little brother.

 

 

 

 

 

The Agate

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My dog Zeke and I often hit the beach in the early mornings so that we can be the first to find agates. It’s a pastime where I live and so I too have caught the “agate bug”, showing some of what I’ve found on this blog. It was foggy but not rainy, and not too cold. We set out on our typical walk that we take on our favorite beach. Zeke did his thing and I did mine.

Zeke’s “thing” is to run along the beach close to the rocks. He likes to sniff out other animals, mark logs that have previously been marked, and my favorite: roll in something dead. I know why he does this, but still, it’s hard to love on him and pet him when he stinks.

I went on this walk specifically because I had something to consider. It was a new job, talking with a human in spirit. A friend of this man had asked me to check in with him to see if all was well. I wasn’t so sure that this was something I could do, because up until this point I had only talked with humans who had crossed over-that I knew in life. I wasn’t sure I had the potential to speak with a “stranger in spirit”, for lack of a better term. So I had to walk and think it over. And where better to do it? The beach. And who better to talk it over with? Zeke. Although Zeke is very special to me, this wasn’t in his list of things he could advise me on. So I let him do his thing as we walked and I began mulling.

Zeke_ocean As I watched Zeke in the water, I asked my spirit guide if I was indeed moving in the direction I was being pointed in: talking with humans who have crossed over. She didn’t answer, but another voice did. It was that of the man I had been asked to talk to.

It amazed me that he was there, so fast, without any ceremony, quiet meditation, none of that. He simply popped in and started to talk with me. And to be honest, I don’t remember a lot of what he said. 1) because I was so surprised and 2) I rarely remember anything that is passed from me to the client. I can’t hold all that information and besides: the message isn’t for me, it’s for the person seeking information. Agate_blog_6

He seemed just fine as I walked and we visited. He spoke using words which is an important distinction. Animals will show you in any way they think you will understand them. This can be in words, “pictures”, and feelings in my body. But he simply talked with me. And laughed. I remember his distinct laugh. Like that of someone having fun. I continued walking and listened to what he had to say. He was interested in working with me in order to let friends know he was OK. I felt almost like he had chosen me. It was an odd feeling like “well of course I’ll talk to you, I’ve checked YOU out and you seem like a good person for me to share with.” So I listened and he continued to laugh and talk about well, everyday stuff. Only “in spirit” everyday stuff.

Animals will show you in any way they think you will understand them. This can be in words, “pictures” and feelings in my body.

The beaches have been covered in sand the past two winters. When there is more sand, there are fewer agates. I can count on one hand the agates I found last winter that were worth keeping. And this winter has been worse. We have had mild weather and few storms. And the storms we’ve had have brought more sand to the hunting grounds so anything we find is a “keeper”. The agates are buried deep below our feet. And they are scarce to find during a good winter. We may come home with 5-10 good agates in a good year. But the past two? We’ve struggled to find one.

That’s why what happened next blew me away.

I had started walking up by the rocks to search for agates as we talked. I wasn’t really sure if I was truly speaking with this man or if I was making it up. As an animal communicator, I know that what I receive from animals isn’t “made up”. I’ve had enough experience and validation to know that the words, symbols, pictures, etc. from animals, are truly what they’re saying. But with humans in spirit? I wasn’t so confident yet. After all, this was the first “encounter” I’d had with someone in spirit whom I’d never met in life.

He said to me “you like shiny rocks don’t you?” And I replied, “Agates? Yes I love to find agates.” And he said “well you’re about to find one in just a few steps. If I show it to you, will you believe it’s really me?” I didn’t really believe what I’d heard, but not 5 steps away was a stream. Not one with a lot of rocks in it, just a stream that was sending water run-off from the land to the beach. And there, in the middle of this not-really-a-stream, was the most beautiful agate I’ve seen in years! I was totally blown away. I felt I should thank the man because not only did he “predict” I would find it, but it was beautiful. It appeared like a full moon in the water. And given the gray day where the color of the sky and the ocean matched, it was truly a stunning agate that was still shining brightly in my hand.

Then I stopped. I got a little chill as I realized: I was talking with the man in spirit who I had been asked to inquire about. And it was as easy as talking with a neighbor over the fence. I didn’t contact him, he contacted me. He knew I was the “designated medium” so he made it very easy for me.

We had many more chats after that. I felt I should be on the beach when I talked with him because it was so easy for me. I don’t know why this was the perfect place for us to chat other than he loved being in nature as much as I do. And as we talked, he became more and more specific about events in his life, where he was now, and what lay ahead for him.

And I knew that what lies ahead for me is really exciting. I can talk with humans in spirit, and so far with the jobs I’ve had, with relative ease.

As we left the beach, I said to Zeke, “That was a good walk huh buddy?” And he replied “Yes mom, but you weren’t here.” He was implying that I had been in a different dimension than he as we took one of our “regular” walks. A walk I won’t ever forget.

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Justin

I live in a small town and when we hear sirens, we pray we don’t know where these first responders are going. But in a town this size, we’ve had some tragedies that involved one of our own. This incident took place several years ago and was one of the first time I experienced a human in spirit.

It was in the late summer when a small plane crashed into a house taking five souls. The fog that morning was as thick as pea soup, but the pilot, Justin, had experience in this. He knew how to fly using instruments. But that morning the plane malfunctioned and with no where else to go, Justin ended up in a house where there were children who would cross to the other side with Justin and his passenger. But during their walk towards a familiar light, Justin turned back. He had unfinished business here.

I never met Justin but knew his wife Kylee well. She and I used to work out together and although she was split from Justin, they were still very involved in each others lives raising their three children. She was understandably devastated as things were on and off again with Justin and they were in their late thirties. She never dreamed that this would be a possibility, that Justin would walk through the veil as a result of doing something he was so good at.

The morning following the accident, I was in my kitchen pouring my first cup of coffee. I was very aware of someone behind me jumping around, in a panicked state saying “You have to go to her! You have to go to her now!” repeatedly to the point where I finally turned around and said out loud “I can’t!” I surprised myself in that moment because I realized I was speaking with a human on the other side. I’ve had years of practice talking with animals in spirit, but this was the first human I could almost touch. I felt his presence, I could tell how tall he was, and there was a faint scent of someone else in the room with me. This spirit although invisible to the eye was very real. And his message was very real too. I had the sense that he had tried this with other people as well, but I was the one who answered him back. I was the one who heard him.

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He wasn’t sure of where he was or what to do next, he was “in between” worlds and needed to be heard, and once he found out I could hear him? He wouldn’t leave me alone for over two weeks.

I knew this was Justin. In this type of work there are three ways spirit will communicate. They use “pictures”, “words”, and/or “knowing” all at once. Somehow he chose me to deliver his final message to his family. But this was all very new to me. I was used to animals answering questions for their humans, not humans hanging out with me (somewhat constantly) in order to be heard. He wasn’t sure where he was although he knew he was out of his body and he knew more people were with him. He hadn’t crossed over yet so he didn’t know the beauty of heaven, he was in between worlds. At any moment he could walk through the light, but this was all so sudden and unexpected he had to tell his family good-bye.

I sat with this for quite some time. This was all new to me. Finally I confided in a good friend and told her I could hear Justin and he was panicked about getting Kylee his farewell speech. The message was full of love, regret, and forgiveness. And as he continued to stay with me, I knew I had to deliver it or he’d be here, frustrated that few could hear him, when he should have concentrated on crossing over.

It was interesting to me that part of his message contained a glimpse of heaven. He told me to tell Kylee that it “isn’t at all what we thought it is” and he really wanted her to know that. It also indicated to me that he was having some experience with his guides possibly, who were letting him stick around to say his good-byes. He had some personal messages as well for his children.

He told me many things, most of which I have forgotten. It works that way. If I hang on to all the spirits I work with, I’ll be dragging myself into a world of sadness and bereavement. It’s info in, speak it, and info out. Now when doing readings I write it all down for the client. That’s why I’m glad I told my one friend. She remembers it all.

I was in my car one morning when Justin popped in and told me to call Kylee right then and there. He said “you don’t believe it’s really me do you? You think you’re making this up.” And I had to agree with that. He assured me that the moment he had chosen, Kylee would be alone and answer a question about her nickname. Justin said “I called her “Ky. She’ll confirm that and then maybe then you’ll believe me.” So I called. Kylee answered saying “you picked the perfect time to call. No one is here, the kids will be home shortly.” I told her I had an odd question, and proceeded to ask her what Justin had nicknamed her. She responded “He had many names for me.” I said “did he call you Ky?” And she said “Yes! That was his main nickname for me. Why do you ask?” I had that little “zing” of adrenaline as Kylee validated what Justin had told me. It was not unlike learning to talk to animals. It came so easily, I suppose working with animals in spirit was setting me up for this work. But when learning this work and then being validated – is an amazing moment. I still feel the “zing” as my confidence is strengthening.

I didn’t feel that this was the time to tell Kylee what I had been experiencing. She was in deep mourning and I was bouncing around like a puppy with a new ball. I had information that would help her to heal, I just had to pick my time. It’s one thing to ask a medium to contact a loved one, and quite another when the one in spirit has contacted you. I decided to wait until things had settled a bit because I wasn’t sure how she would receive the information.

It’s one thing to ask a medium to contact a loved one, and quite another when the one in spirit has contacted you.

So she had confirmed what Justin had just told me. That he called her “Ky” – a name no one in our small town used for her. I was then convinced that this was happening to me. I was talking to Justin who remained in between worlds for a period of time, in order to deliver his message.

Justin stuck around through his memorial service. As I walked down the hill in the fading summer sun, a light breeze turned up. Justin said to me “I think I can go now. I know you’ll deliver my message of love and forgiveness”. And he was right. Several weeks after Justin left my friend and I sat down with Kylee and told her all the things that I had experienced with Justin after the accident. She was comforted. I was surprised. But it has led me down a new path, one that is exciting, and one that can comfort humans who are left behind.

Note: I do not divulge the personal messages that are given to me and passed on.